1. |
The Point
01:54
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I woke up today
Thought of her again
Thought of how she lives
Just a town over
Thought of going home
Know its a bad idea
Thought of telling her
How much I hate it here
I just want her to
Love me here again
I just want her to
Be my only friend
I know that its not
What is gonna happen
But It guess its just
What I wanted
I was wishing you
You wouldn’t tell me
That you still miss me
So I could move on
But Im so happy that
You still do
I just miss the way
I was in love with you
And it was easy Easier
Than anything I did
Now everything Is a
memory of what it was
It takes two hours
Just to crawl on the floor
It takes two hours
To go anywhere anymore
The more I thought about
You and everything
The more I think about
How I don’t deserve
Any of it now
It was so beautiful
I didn’t do anything
To earn any of it
Goodbye to my life
Oh I miss her so
I wish she was here
I don’t think she knows
I wish I could just
Call and tell her I
Miss her so much
But what’s the fucking
Point
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2. |
Who? If Not You?
03:22
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today it chose
it got ahold
in my heart it hurt
i wrote a verse
so i texted
so i called
made a mistake
after all
because
"its like someone died"
and for me thats fine
like a distant cousin
talking bout their life
but who had died honey?
i need a sign
something that says
it was worth the time
and the space the love we made
and the space
used to love the taste
and all the time it takes
i promise
that we'll grow old
and you think
of how id hold
your hand and walk
you home from class
and drag my shoes
slow in the grass
and i
i want to call
and shout
im still in love
but i know that
you need to move on
it must hurt you more
that i wrote this song
but i
i miss your mom
and i
miss your grandma
i wonder how you
can turn it off
just like a switch
when im so stuck
and now i
oh i love
someone
whos grown up
oh how will i?
belong to
someone
whos not you.
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3. |
Shower Song!
01:30
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just took a shower for no reason
im not going out today (hey)
everything is different
almost every single way (hey)
simple misconceptions
that can bring myself to tears
i cant help but always wonder
if im facing all my fears
being loud enough to hear
i just took a bite but then i spit it out
my mouth (oh)
everything is better when its always coming out (oh)
I keep fucking swimming when I'm trying hard to sink
I keep fucking winning when I'm not doing anything
never doing anything
Oh please just teach me how to find myself
you were always the one to help
and then she asks me again
if i get joy out of finishing things
i say yes and answer in my head
imagine the high that ill finally fucking get when im dead
It's so fucking silly how I slowly start to fade
You detachment from our friendship is the thing that makes me ache
I keep waking up, tryna sleep the thought away
I had always said I'd love you now there is nothing to say
just took a shower for no reason
im not going out today (hey)
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4. |
With/Without
02:48
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These arent songs for moving on
for trying to get better
just a little place where we belong
place where we're still together
You'd pass me the binoculars and Id point it at the sky
I'd say "see that?"
You'd say "what?"
I'd say it's a future for you and I, you and I
I withdrew and walking back
the winter made my walking fast
we said goodbye and talking fast
I left when we ran out of things to say
And looking back at songs I wrote
Last one left on a weary note
didn't mean "marry you"
But I guess thats how it goes
I meant it some
I got home at half past 10
I saw the flag at half past when
I came inside and lapsed back in
to who I was before you went away
We spent hours talking soft
the sun would set outside my house
the cold could try creeping in
but we were warm and love and now
And I remember silly things like
all the joy you'd bring
and not knowing if you'd me or
the songs I'd sing
I just wanna write a song again
so we could get along again
and ask each other questions
like we did in the library
I got home at half past 10
I saw the flag at half past when
I came inside and lapsed back in
to who I was before you went away
to where you go when you
need somewhere to go into
while I just watch her go inside
herself and find a place to hide
And I think you
you said it best
I'm grateful for all of our time
and when I rest my heavy head
I'll think of you
before I die.
And I guess I'll find a field
and build that home we talked about
I guess I wish you lived there too
but I'll live with you or without
And it breaks my heart
to try and sing
And it breaks my heart
to see you out
And it breaks my heart
to live the path
that's layed before me now
My acquaintance, my love
I'm sorry for bringing it all up
I hope you're doing better now
I hope that we can be friends
for i will always care for you
I know its wrong but what I promised
What'd I'd do
It's true
A memory that sticks around
your hair pulled up the hallway crowd
while I put the necklace on
I caught your eyes through our locker mirror.
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5. |
Handful of Sand
03:35
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it was close to the end i felt you let go of my hands.
i got scared so i thought id call up my old friend.
told him you were leaving
slow decent like sand,
the tighter hold the faster that you started slippinggggg.
he told me when it happened he had traded all his days for nights.
for when he dreampt of her he truly felt alive.
and when the morning came he felt like he would die
thats when he wouldnt leave his room slept all the timeeee.
once i asked his sister what she thought of all his pain
she told me sweetly that it wasnt bout the rain.
it was the rainbow that would cloud himself in shame
for he knew that he would hate
himself more than she did.
ive been alone so long before
ill be fine now again im sure
No ones ever had my back
I love you still isnt that so sad?
so i ran into his lover the one that he doesnt name.
she acted different but her hair worn the same way
she smiled i remember when she was in pain.
I asked how she did it and she spoke slowlyyyyy.
i just took it month by month week by week and day by day
i thought about the way i was with him and then i changed.
the fog had cleared i was alone and he was just a name
dont get me wrong some nights i still writhe in hate.
she screamed
sometimes i have nightmares where im running and hes chasing me
sometimes we’re hugging and i cant even fucking breathe.
the memories i have o they are no longer sweet.
he told me he loved me but i could tell he was lying.
I wanna try and dream with the windows open
Dream about your mouth how you were soft spoken
You told me that you hated all my sad sad songs
So i wrote some happy ones and we sang along
You told me you would hold me when i needed comfort
Now its getting cold soon it will be september
I wonder where are you now?
Where are you now?
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6. |
Weeks Off
02:40
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and now im back home
i sweat through
the hat you made me
think of you.
id like to pull you in
this winter in your room
and i could see us
getting along
now since every one else is gone
are you embarrassed of
how ive been showing my love
you yell at me and make me feel like
i shouldn't want to stay the night
but i do
let the snow pile up the block
we could stay in count your tattoos
we could rearrange your bedroom
dont listen to me play these songs
i think youd get bored before i was done
just share my water be my friend
when you need i will let you in
take me for what i might be
use me but dont make me see
how stupid i am for loving you
atleast my heart's no longer in two
thank you maybe ive said too much mostly i don't say enough
so lay in bed with me
its getting dark outside as we talk
lets figure out where to eat.
i know my house is a very short walk
but i dont want to leave
could this be our winter world for the weeks we have off.
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7. |
I Want a Brother
02:37
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i wanna brother whos my twin flame for life
who grew right beside me and listened to me cry
i wanna brother who knows how to laugh
with a belly full of chinese food about passed gas
and i wanna brother whos
mean and clean
who comes to stay with me oh
most of the week
who as a simiar haircut and who
disagrees
we fight like those brothers that you
see on tv on tv
I wanna lover who remains in my arms
who never ignores me or never means me harm
i wanna lover who'll lay in the grass
who remembers all my friends names
who always has questions to ask
I want a lover who loves my name
Who sits right beside me who knows my pain
who never grows up and who stays the same
who heals up my heart makes me feel less insane
god i felt so insane
When she asked me to pull over
I asked why
back from the road trip
you started to cry
I said baby do you love me?
And you didn't even try to lie
you said baby I don't love you
but I don't want you to die
I took her picture and I put it on my wall
she was looking better than anyone I saw
cuz I wanna a lover just like everyone does
and i wanna brother just like everyone wants
and I took her picture and I put it on my wall
she was looking better than anyone I saw
cuz I wanna a lover just like everyone does
and i wanna brother just like everyone wants
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8. |
A Full One
03:10
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I was hoping that we’d fight
Like a big one one night
And you’d kick me out your house
And I was hoping that you
You stopped taking all my time
And you’d figure out that I
Had nothing left.
Cuz if you want to have me
Than I guess ill be had
I’ve got nothing on right now
But if there’s something better
Please just go ahead and take that
I don’t want to be apart of something that’s half done
If you hug me
Then hug me
A full one.
And I was staring at you
In the mirror in the bathroom
I was watching you brush your hair
So I packed up all my stuff
And I made my self leave
I walked home drunk as fuck
Crunched the leaves with my feet
And I made a promise to
Myself and anyone who
Wants to be a friend of mine
I cannot give so much time
For Im draining me away
Through the months and through the day
you used to say its a novel don’t let it play
I have to leave again
I don’t wanna be here
I have to go my friend
You tuck your hair by your ear
I have to leave again
I just want to be clear
I will fall apart
Without the part of you left here
Cuz if you want to have me
Than I guess ill be had
I’ve got nothing on right now
But if there’s something better
Please just go ahead and take that
I don’t want to be apart of something that’s half done
If you hug me
Then hug me
A full one.
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9. |
Hang Me Up
02:16
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I don’t love to be in somebodies life for a short time
But you seem to be that kind of person
So I will embrace it
Like my mom said
When I graduated high school
Because you can fight it
For a while
But it’ll bend until it breaks you
We’re hanging up letters
In your room
You telling me who is who
I read a postcard
Signed by your father
You ask why he even bothers
I ask you where is everyone now
You sit back on your feet and pout
You say these are from my life
I fall in love from time to time.
Now you look at me like
I wouldn’t understand that right?
But will I become a letter
That hangs up near the bed
Or a crumpled up paper
You explain to someone else
Cuz if I will love you
I will be there
And ill be sure to never leave here
But I’m sure that
That’s what your old friends
Had thought.
I don’t love to be in somebodies life for a short time
But you seem to be that kind of person
So I will embrace it
Like my mom said
When I graduated high school
Because you can fight it
For a while
But it’ll bend until it breaks you
*demo from random night*
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10. |
99%
03:13
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i left my home for a fresh start
i promised i wouldnt be like this
but here i am
in my bedroom again
on a cold fall morning
im waste of time
im a waste of space
im 99
never complete
there was a moment in the night where you went to bathroom
I went in my room and I lay on my bed
I was tired there was nothing and then you came back into the kitchen and sat
humming some song and you shuffled in your seat
I wish I could have fallen asleep
but knew as much as I didnt want to
you'd have to say goodby to me
And I know I'm not famous, but would you wanna dance with me?
Maybe not today but in a week
Maybe not today but in a week.
i wanna feel you breathe
tanktops and apologies
ill met you at the party
meet down the street
you can kiss me but ill be gone before you leave.
99 never complete
never complete
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11. |
Enough Memories
01:23
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*cape clip from charlottes house, summer 2022*
New friend
New friend
New friend
New friend
What'd you do today?
Did you remember that I'm still existing?
And do you miss my face?
Old friend
Old friend
Old friend
Old friend
Why'd you cry today?
I still remember that you're still existing and I do miss your face
You feel so far away
you're in my head.
*ian clip*
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12. |
Motion of the Ocean
02:43
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I knew a girl she showed me comfort
She tore me apart
She made me warm
And broke my heart
And for that I love her
She made me me
And when I laugh I think of her inssensintly
And yes I miss her
I always do
But there is something inside me that knows there’s nothing new
And I wish he, he hadn’t died and I wish I had died with him.
At least he taught me how to play, and here I am I play away
This isn’t what I though would happen
Even now I’m feeling down
But god I know I felt so selfish
Making sure I had you around
And you saw me
Like no one did
And I never live like that again
Lost the love of my life
And my best friend at the same time
And she had left I wish she stayed, and I wish that I had left with her
For all these songs they kept m
But don’t think that you will be trapped
In your room forever
Oh Don’t think you, oh you can’t leave when you are feeling
better
Motion of the ocean of the confidence
You’ll be making time when you’re on the bend
I got to many things on my laundry list
You got to many things that you regret
Motion of the ocean of my heart attacks
The motion of the ocean of the rhyming schemes
I could never get you to fall back in love with me
La la la love with me
La la la love with me
La la la love with me
Cuz I sit with you
In kitchens now
I am confused
I’ll let it out
And I wish we we could talk about,
the new songs I’ve been working out
I thought you were
Beautiful
And I know you are using me
Not in the way you know you are
But I can see
Oh I can see
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13. |
Decay
06:57
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I can’t wait to die so I can get out of this one
Matt I wanna throw my towel in
Can’t you come up another song?
To make me feel like im not
So alone again?
I was in a basement
I was 13 years old
And I wrote a song and found myself a friend
I guess Im tryna do that again
But now im so old and tired
Just 20 I know thats stupid
Just 20 and now its useless
I got a time
Limit on everything I wrote songs for girls I didn’t like
But its different tonight cuz I love you
I dont wanna live here anymore
I dont wanna die here anymore
I just wanna go to where you are
I just wanna look up at the stars
And I don’t feel the need to focus
I want to blur out
The edges of your face
So I can see the parts
That still look at me in that way.
And I don’t want to write
Another sad song at night
but here I am
(And the summer will end
And everyone will leave
And itll be back to school
And then itll just be me )
I thought the summer morning air
Would last for ever in my head
But I guess it ended instead
I’ve got a lot things to do
Im still here in pools of you
Matt I went on my car
Layed across the hood
Didn’t see any of those stars
That you said I would
miss I miss I miss the way
I could listen to you say
Anything and feel good about
Anything cuz I knew
You had me loved too
Swear when I was with you i could’ve put
The guitar down
I could’ve stopped
Playing songs now
But now here I am
And I still use this as much as i can
And I still need this as much as I did
And I’m so sorry for being a kid
I'm so sorry for letting you in
I'm so sorry but I do it again
I feel no reason to stay
I wanna live to be brave
Daydreaming of you
Got no part of me that feels
Like I can do this
I know I can’t do this
I know I can
I know I can’t
And its ok
And its alright
If you cry sometimes
If you don’t have sex that often
if these songs they dont come naturally
if she’s moved on fast happily
Its ok If you no longer even rhyme
And its ok if you don’t have a life
Its ok if none of your friends reach out to you,
Well I guess some of the time’
Its ok if you dream of her in the afternoons
if you go back to the library alone
To see if you’re initials are still there
some romantic gesture set in stone
And its ok if your girlfriend stops talking to you
Its ok if you can’t write a song
Its ok if everything that you had planned
Seemed to be planned out wrong
Its okay if on the drive home you forget
that she wont be there now but you're still excited
its ok if you don’t leave your house today
its ok if you watch TV and waste away
Its ok if you feel bummed out when you go to school
Its ok if you feel bummed out you didn’t know the rules
Its ok if you don’t come out of this alive
Its ok if you didnt even try
But no one knew what would happen at all
The higher we jump guess the harder we fall
I listen to your album made in secret that spring
Picture you beside me like youre here listening
And I, I don’t think you that need to beat yourself up
Theres isn’t much to do about this kind of stuff
just live through the waves
I don’t want to say
But its okay to decay
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