Why Did I Do Everything I've Ever Done

by Art Slob

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about

These are my songs that I wrote the winter of 2015 and recorded then from January to March of 2016. This album is concentrated on falling in "like" with a nice person who I unfairly relied on a lot for happiness. Some of these songs are made at a time where small things matter more because that's all ya have. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to listen.

*Album comes with a PDF insert of all the lyrics / drawings / pictures*

credits

released May 14, 2016

credits : These songs couldn't have been made without my friends.

All songs written by me except "Stop Being Sad" which is a Kyle Hall cover, find more of his beautiful jams here: secretcrush.bandcamp.com.

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Album cover, title and poem in "Leaving Songs" by JoeBob McCart. You can find more of his art and photos here : trashking666.tumblr.com.

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Thanks Robert for lending me the piano and Berger for the guitar. Also to Dante who dropped stuff and helped sing background on Leaving songs. A big thanks to Sam for listening to these tunes before hand and letting me know they don't suck too bad.

Movie Clip in I Want You I Need You Oh Baby Oh Baby is from 10 Things I Hate About You.

Cassettes will probably put out by Ruined Party Records soon maybe, you'll be able to find them here probably: ruinedpartyrecords69.bandcamp.com

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about

Amar Ahmad Boston, Massachusetts

16/ I do this to keep busy

Send me an email!
amar.ahmad91920@gmail dot com

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Track Name: Self Doubt
Fourth period bra strap and cat laugh I recall. All of the time looking over your shoulder. (Oh at them). Just open your mouth let the wind and the snow in. Fourth period bra strap and cat laugh I recall. Because I walk too close too close to you, and I walk too far too far away too. And my hands are close too close to me and walk too far too far to see. And I will try to stop trying and I will set my early alarms. And I will tell you that I love you but fear and snow have set me back far. And it'd be easier last Friday it'd be easier tomorrow. I guess that I'll tell you the Monday that follows. Even if he's there and you start to say no. I promised myself I would not let myself down. And I promise myself the Monday that follows. Jerk of watch a movie jack of again I should've been a better man, Jack off watch a movie jack of again I should've been a better friend. Jerk off watch a movie jack off again I should've read a book instead. Jerk off watch a movie jack off again I should've took chances I had.
Track Name: Don't Get Easier
It don't get easier with time no matter what they say It don't get easier if I and you feel the same way. It don't get easier with drugs It don't get easier with jokes It don't get easier with love or the ones I used to know. It don't get easier with songs It don't get easier with work It don't get easier with showers or the thoughts that make me burn. And no one cares for you as much as you had want them to, and I know my place so I'll stay here I'll go insane. And It gets easier with death and it gets easier with pain and it gets easier with friends with a constant heart that aches, I wanna skate out out to the country i wanna call you from a phone, I wanna move out there to Philly and walk the streets alone. But I probably won't end up leaving my old room, and I'l probably have regrets but atleast I'll have this gloom. (atleast i will always be sad, atleast I will always have that) Atleast i tried atleast there's that.
Track Name: I Want You I Need You Oh Baby Oh Baby
I've got a crush on you, I don't know what to do what to do what. I've got a crush on you, my hands, yeah they tense and they swell up. I've got a crush on you, I don't know what to do what to do what. I've got a crush on you I dont know what to do but just tell you yeah. Oh just tell you yeah. oh just tell you when we are bored and we wait for the class that we take and i stare but i can't get enough of your face and this shit in head in my brain says to say hey. "hey anna have you ever blah blah blah blah" But maybe you're different or maybe you're the same, another girl who I'll let break my heart and share the blame. And maybe you're awful but I think that you're not, our little interactions have got me thinking a lot (I think that you're kind and your cute and you're sweet and you're smart). I've got a crush on you, I don't know what to do what to do what. I've got a crush on you, my hands, yeah they tense and they swell up. I've got a crush on you, I don't know what to do what to do what. I've got a crush on you I dont what to do what to do what. Anna this ones for you, anna this ones for for when youre alone and you're eyes are really bright and you toss and you turn but I can't sleep tonight so II'll wake up and meet you in a lot, and we'll talk and we'll talk and we'll talk. Anna don't you wanna run away Anna don't you wanna see the night? (you shine brighter than the dim lit sky). *CLIP* its cold, outside, lets go, tonight.
Track Name: Back Of My Mind
I thought a lot about all the things I could say but they all seemed to perpetuate and mean the same things and if you didnt really wan it do you think its okay, if i took your hand and told you that i loved you anyways. And these songs seem real forced but im just trying to help me find what this all makes me feel and my own goddamn state of mind, its just the concepts the numbers and the vairables given, i wish i was a math problem with just one solution. I put so much work into all of these songs cuz i just wanted to try because I wake up each night... With your thought in the BACK OF MY MIND (fuck it were gonna die, so i guess that ill try, think of you all the time) So tell me a secret that you;ve never told before tell me things that they've said but please dont tell me anymore because theres weeks and theres months and theres days left for we cmon tell me friend dont you want to believe, that we are still young and we're still going far (ill probably end up living cold in my car) We are still (but now its not) Cute anymore.
Track Name: So Fifteen
When I was 12 I lived a girl and her eyes were oh so weak, I had a picture of us in seventh grade and it would help me fall asleep. Now I love clouds beneath my feet and every time you breathe and every thought that has to do with what you could mean to me. And there's a 50 50 chance on this history test there's a 50 50 chance that I'm never coming back there's a 5050 chance that I wake up ashamed when I see all the things all made up and change. And now no where is sacred and no where is special all the friends that you have are too temperamental. They're just big stupid dicks that will discuss the past when they all reminisce of their letterman sweats. (God I'm so fucked) now I'm 15 and you leeche of me and every word I speak when I'm about to, open my mouth you're there interrupting me. And I hate my life hate my Job so I will go back to school get beat up till I will find. Find my time. Find my find my. Mary don't leave so suddenly when I miss you more than me watercolor days all smeared with hands. And weekends alone and waiting for death and fond memories now of my regrets and songs that won't hold I'm friends with the wind I'm sick of myself I'm building my shell. Be the father every father dreampt.
Track Name: Stop Being Sad (KH)
I miss you so much It's scary
But that's not your weight to carry
I need to learn to be alright when I'm alone
I'm always in such a hurry to leave
But I don't want you to worry about me
I need to learn to be alright when I'm at home
I need to learn to be ok
stop trying to leave when I should stay
Stop feeling
So helpless
So worthless
So useless
So crazy and sad
I need to learn to love myself
stop trying to hurt the ones thathelp
stop acting
so dependent
so nervous
so stupid
so endlessly bad
I need to stop being sad
Track Name: Like Bras in the Hands of Boyhood
I know that you know that I am the worst and I know you judge me on ways that I work and I know Ive sung this in songs sung before but I'm not a man not a boy nothing more. I know that you know that I am the worst and I know you judge me on ways that I work and I know Ive sung this in songs sung before but I'm not a man not a boy nothing more. And I have been waiting for someone to tell me that there is more to life precitible to see, that they were just kidding that i've passed the test, that actually life is much better than this. I know that you know that I am the worst and I know you judge me on ways that I work and I know Ive sung this in songs sung before but I'm not a man not a boy nothing more. (empathy, loving me, loosing touch, living rough, apathy rolled up jeans, coming down, washed out dreams) WASHED OUT DREAMS.
Track Name: Leaving Songs
I am back inside my head again. taking comfort in my own bed. That's all it is now just a that was then, and now i guess atleast we're still Facebook friends. So have a great big party, want some cheese with all that whine, so breaking down each missed ache, all goodbyes seem to come with a price, but maybe if it meant more to you, i wouldn't hate all my goodbyes. WISH YOU WERE LEAVING INSTEAD OF ME, but I guess that's how things ought to be. leaving songs, leaving songs, leaving songs leavings songs.

Joes poem :
I had a dream I killed myself in front of everyone.
I slit my wrists and smashed my head in with a brick.
Nobody gave a fuck. Nobody batted an eye.
I swear that no one cares if you want to die.
If they're happy and you're not, they're not really there for you.
They see you as this negative force pulling everybody down.
Instead of understanding they treat you like an outcast.
Sending you into an abyss of sadness.
Eventually you hit rock bottom but its just a false floor.
Now you're spiraling into a deeper darker depression than ever before.
Nobody cares how you feel when you're alive. When you die they're suddenly all your "best friend" and they "can't believe" that you're gone when you know damn well you were drowning and asking for help.
No one even glanced over too afraid that they might get sucked into the water and drown themselves.
Nobody cares if they're happy and you're not.