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My Middle School Depression Is My Girlfriend

from Life Like Boyfriend Hands by Amar Ahmad

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about

This song's about being depressed when you're friends aren't and just wishing you could be as upbeat as them. But somehow the voice from middle school that tells you to fuck up your life keeps coming back. It's almost like me and my depression were dating and we'd break up but still end up getting back together.

lyrics

Middle school- the music. It soothes me. It swallows. The pain and. The past and the bruises. The weight still remains. An I'm sorry I never crawled out of your egoed brain. The music it's stupid the words that I say, I stepped off the plane and I cried for a day, but I promise for insight I still think of you when I nap.

I just miss telling you how my day went, (who the fuck now should I tell?) Since you an them been placent. (I'm in a place where i am) alone in a basement. (they never tell the children they never tell them nothing).

Because you wanted to die but since then you've been alright an you don't wanna die anymore. An she calls you on the phone she says she wants to go home, an you don't wanna die anymore, an you don't wanna die like before.

And she still whispers things in my ear I can't ignore, what do you do when your bored? She says have some sex she says do some drugs she says die the way you want to die tonight. But I wanna make ammends an i wanna make some friends, and I wanna live the way I wanna live my life. An i wanna die that way, you wanna die tonight. (X2)

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from Life Like Boyfriend Hands, released December 13, 2015

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Amar Ahmad Boston, Massachusetts

22 / I do this to keep busy

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